QOTD

Conversation between Chaiya and I....

Me: I'm really really tired
Chaiya: You're not allowed to be. Exhaustion is for mortals.

It's official!

Three dead skunks on the road going to church this morning, Spring is here!!!

Slowly...Spring

This week was our first warm weather in a very long while. Warm enough to air out the house and today I even felt happy enough to wash the front windows to let that sunshine in. I know that more snow will come, it always likes to fool. King Winter does not give up so easily. Our St. Patrick's day was graced by a new fairy! He came flying in with a bouquet of shamrocks
and a little bit of glitter. We had some yummy Irish soda bread...thanks in part to Wildflower Bread Co. Our fairy flew by and blessed it for us. We watched our traditional movies and made chocolate cupcakes with green frosting.

On Thursday, Lydia was completely off of oxygen and she begged to be able to get out of the house. Just her and I headed to the park. She was a happy girl and was on both sets of swings for a long time! There still is not that hint of green mist that you see surrounding the trees yet. I kept looking and looking. Granite Creek park lost a lot of the big old trees in winter storms this year. There is one of the bridges in a tangled mess half way down the creek. I think they will have to get a crane to get it out. Lydia and I enjoyed each other's company as we walked around the creek. It will be so much nicer once there is some green around.

After the park we went out to Panda Express, her choice, for a late lunch. It is nice to have my happy smiling girl back fully.
When we got back I noticed our apricot tree in the back is starting to have a few blossoms. Yipee, that means we are definitely coming in to Spring!

As I wrestle...

Lydia has been quite ill since last Friday night. I haven't had much sleep. Last night for 2 1/2 hours I could not get her stats high enough. Every treatment, every medicine every every thing nothing was working well. I just sat and wept. Wept , pity party whatever. Sometime I have a little flash of anger about people who do drugs etc.. while pregnant and have 'healthy' babies. I hate the word 'special needs'! It is a poor excuse of a word. There is nothing frickin special about pumping oxygen into your kid at 3 am and praying for her lungs to work just a little better PLEASE...!
I get sad that Lord Death often is just waiting across the road. Sometimes he mocks my efforts. We fight often, too often for my comfort. For almost ten years we have been locked in battle. He can just get the heck out of my neighborhood, thank you.
I have been deeply praying during this time if getting her trach tube out in a month or two is the correct thing. Heavy choices. The Spirit answers that it is essential for her spirit to be free of that cumbersome expensive necklace. It might be a long year.
Tonight it is 11:30 and she is up running around. Smiling and irritating her sister. Obviously to the fact I have been to hell and back again. It is fine this way. I keep surfacing with my little angel who is the brightest star. She makes me laugh and smile every single day. Every single day I am filled with gratitude that she chose me to be her mother! It is worth every moment.

It is snowing....again! According to the weather report it is supposed to snow for the next two days. I might as well live in Idaho.

Nature walk

Yesterday we went out to Granite Basin to find signs of spring. Only one bush, the picture above, had any green anything. It has snowed almost every weekend and it is still cold especially with the wind. I almost always am conflicted about Spring. Like Spring itself. One day showing signs of warmth and hope that King Winter has fled, and then one day down in the greys again.
I vacillate back and forth. Spring is so hopeful for most.
Last year I had the most horrible allergy problem of which I hope to avoid this year. I have been working on taxes, which shows how little money we had last year and is spurring me to get more motivated with marketing the business this year. I don't want this to be at a cost of less time with my children. Back and forth. After Lydia was born someone handed me a little card with the statement," there is a thin line between hope and despair". That statement has always held heavy on my heart.
HOPE is a bright shinning star! I embrace it now even if the little tiny branch is the only one I could find yesterday. It had hope to show up!

life happens

First picture from new camera yipeeeeeee! Chaiya purchasedit as a surprise for all the grown ups to use in our household. We are very happy. Now I just need to make sure I am extra careful since I am the camera destroyer in the house.
Yesterday I had grand plans. It was Dr. Suess' birthday / Read Across America day. Life happened and all we got to was making the suess cupcakes. They are fun and yummy! I have to make up for not making oobleck and the other fun projects that were in my head. Thayne was a little confused at why we celebrate since Dr. Suess can't come to our house. Our favorite books are: The Sneetches, Cat in the Hat, The Lorax,
I think we have all of his books, including a great volume of his political cartoons against Hilter. We have a great movie called in Search of Dr. Suess. It tells of his life and career. We usually watch this also. He was a fascinating man. Fun stuff! I just need to be a little more on the ball and organized this week.